I really hope that one day I could truly become like Truman and Erik Erikson and less like Harry Bruce and the people in the cave. I hope that I could escape my prison and go out into the world, go on an adventure, feel loved, have a full stomach and live without fear. I want to be able to find out who I am and put Erik Erikson's 8 stages to good use. I hope this dream could come true. I hope that I could be like the one person who was taken out of the cave and saw how great the outside world was. I wish that my eyes could see the greatness of what is beyond these terrible walls. This is my biggest dream that I have ever had, I just hope that one day it would come true and not just be a dream.

There is one thing that I have always wondered and that is who am I? I know that I'm  a kid who is stuck in the worst place possible, but that's it there's no more to my life. I feel like Erik Erikson did after he was told that who he thought was his father wasn't actually his father. Erik felt lost, alone and he didn't know who he was as a person. This is the same way I feel, I have no idea who I am as a person. I can't really be like Erik though because he found a way to find out who you are, the only thing is, is that you need other people around you to find out who you are and I don't have anyone around me. I may never know who I am, I can only think of myself as the kid who is stuck in the worst place possible.

I wish that sometimes people would come to visit me because they want to help me, not make fun of me or beat me up. I want to be loved, I want to be fed and I want to know what the world is really like because anywhere else is better than here. I think it would be the greatest day in the world if someone came to visit me and took me with them when they left instead of what they always do which is just leave me here in the worst place possible. But I feel like this is just a dream with no hope of coming true.

I wonder if I'm the only one who lives like this, I wonder if someone out there lives in a place where they feel hated, hungry and scared. I hope there isn't, I hope that no one else has to feel alone, cold and sad everyday because it sucks not having food all the time or warmth or knowing that you are safe all the time. I hope no one else is forced to live like this and can't escape from it. I hope that everyone could escape, even me I really want to escape this place.

Sometimes I have days where I just want to be a kid and go on an adventure, but then I remember that for me this is only something I can dream about. I kind of feel like Truman in the Truman Show, he wants to leave Seahaven and go on an adventure to Fiji, but he can't because he is trapped in the walls of a TV studio. Truman and I are pretty close to being the same, we are trapped in a place that we don't enjoy very much. There is one thing that is good for Truman though, he ends up being able to escape the trap. I hope that someday I could escape my trap and be able to go on a real life adventure beyond these walls.

I can sometimes hear people outside having a fun time, I get jealous that they are out there and I'm stuck in here. But in here is my world and out there is their world. I'm kind of like the people in the cave in Plato's allegory. I'm just like them trapped in a cave cut off from everybody else, like them I can't leave this place and see what is out there. The memories of outside are starting to disappear, the dark place is becoming all I know and I hate it.

I remember when I didn't have to live in fear of these mops, I remember outside in the sunlight. Those were the best days, the days when I didn't live in fear and hunger. The only bad part was my mother, whenever I was "bad" she wouldn't let me go outside, I would say "I will be good, please let me out. I will be good." sometimes I was let out and other times I wasn't. I didn't like it when my mother wouldn't let me go outside. Maybe that's why I'm in this terrible place, maybe it is because I'm a bad kid and I'm not allowed to go outside.